If you have known for any length of time, you probably know of my bout with West Nile Virus a couple years ago. It's almost become a part of my name...Hi, my name is Brian, I had West Nile Virus, how are you? Okay, not quite like that, but you get the idea. Anyway, this is something I wrote during my recovery. I know it's not new, but I promise, new things are coming. Just now, however, my main focus is replacing the floors in our house. Anyways, to be perfectly honest, my experience with the deadly ailment was comparatively mild...my fevers "only" lasted sixteen days and zapped my strength for a few subsequent months. Some people I know were months in the hospital, others comatose for weeks. The hallucinations were a little interesting, but my wife remembers more of that than I. Regardless, the Lord used that experience to teach me something of His ways, and hopefully it will serve to encourage or challenge you as well.
Brian
If you're anything like me, you may think at times you are invincible. Please don't confuse that with invisible. If you think you're invisible, we really need to talk. There are times when I go through life thinking I can pretty much do anything I put my mind to. The Lord has blessed my life immensely and has worked in and through me in some pretty amazing ways. I look back at what I've accomplished and think, well done. And then I catch West Nile Virus, and it takes all my strength just to get out of bed and take a shower. I might even go outside for a bit to work in the garden. If I'm really feeling well I might even run some errands. Whatever it may be, I'm usually clutching my head in dizziness after about 20 or 30 minutes. Why do I say this? Well, it's really quite simple. Over the last seven days, it has been made inescapably clear that my life is not my own. What I accomplish in my time on this earth has nothing to do with my strength or, at present, lack thereof. It has nothing to do with my qualifications as a pastor, my heart for young people, or my relational tendencies. It has nothing to do with abilities, gifts, talents, or what have you. In fact, it has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the Lord and His sovereign will for my life. Anything I have accomplished is because the Lord has allowed it, and now I am reminded oh so clearly that my every breath is ordained by God, Himself.
It's interesting to me that 80 percent of all people infected with West Nile never feel any symptoms. My immune system has always been strong, and getting sick is a rarity for me. With that in mind I am reminded all the more that God is in control, even when all is going well. "Even when all is going well?" you ask. "Don't you mean when things aren't going so well?" No...it's easy to remember you are not in control when life throws you a curve, as it has me. That's why I'm writing this in the first place...because I am reminded of my lack of control. But when is it easiest for us to think we can handle things? When everything is great. "Look at what I've done and what I did to accomplish it." Wrong. Look at what the LORD has accomplished in and through you...and praise Him for it!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Musings in an Airport
This is a blurb I wrote in June on my way to Seattle...just never posted it anywhere...
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.
James 4:13, 14
Last night I read myself to sleep, something I used to do much more often than I do now. It was nice. As I read, I thought of my wife and son enjoying time with family in Washington, anticipating joining them early this very morning. After finally getting to sleep, I found myself waking intermittently through the night, paranoid of missing my alarm and, thus, missing my flight. Neither happened, and I boarded my flight from Boise to Seattle at approximately 7:10 am. The flight was pleasant, though quite full, but people were in good spirits, and there really is nothing better than viewing Mt. Rainier from the air in the light of the early morning sun.
Just about the time I decided the flight seemed to be taking longer than it should, the captain announced over the P.A. system we would not be able to land in Seattle due to persistent fog, and would be re-routing to Spokane where they would do their best to service us to Seattle. So now, after about an hour’s wait in an extremely lethargic, though somewhat tense, ticket line, I sit at gate C30 waiting for my departure at 1:52, scheduled to land in Seattle at 2:58. My only grievance is the fact that my mother, wife and 3-month-old son had to leave the house this morning at 6:00 to pick me up at 8. I, however, was not there to meet them, nor was I able to inform them of the delay until after my scheduled landing time.
Many would choose irritation. Some may have reason to, at least from an existential standpoint. But my head echoes with the words of James, written to the Diaspora only a few years after Christ’s return to His Father. James’ letter opens boldly by saying, Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
I have the distinct notion there are a few (though not many) people sharing in this predicament that would look James in the face and say, How about you consider it joy and I’ll consider it a terrible nuisance that has thrown a tractor mechanic’s monkey wrench into my perfectly elaborate and fool-proof (not to mention absolutely of the utmost importance) plan! And I am sure that some of those people had other people depending on them for a business transaction or something of the sort…their irritation is understandable. But why don’t we take a quick look at the context of James’ insensitive and altogether uneducated statement?
As I mentioned earlier, this statement, or rather, this entire letter, is written to the Diaspora…the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad… Apparently they were facing “various trials”. Well, some would say, they weren’t facing my trials! They didn’t have the deadlines I have. They weren’t late for a crucial business meeting. They’re career didn’t hinge on this particular flight! They didn’t even have deadlines, let alone planes to make them late! Okay, maybe they weren’t facing the same trials. But what were they facing?
The Roman Emperor in the time of James was a man by the name of Nero. One of his favorite hobbies was the persecution of the early Christians. Some had their skin peeled off and salt poured on their raw flesh. Others were tarred and put up on stakes, then lit on fire to light Nero’s garden parties. Many were thrown to the lions in the Coliseum in Rome. Christians lived in mortal fear of their lives each and every day. And yet James said to them, Consider it all joy… The deadlines they faced were of permanent physical consequence. I don’t think they cared about delays in their daily lives. Each day to them was a precious gift, each morning a new opportunity to serve Christ! Oh to live with such perspective!
At a time such as this, where I could choose to be angry over circumstances which I really cannot control, I am challenged by the words of James to stop and take a closer look at those very circumstances. Though not when I had planned, in just a few short hours I will be with my wife and son in Seattle visiting my family. To be sure, were my schedule a bit more pressing, I may need to try a little harder to maintain a positive attitude, but all the same, why fret about something beyond my reach? Additionally, what is to say that this inconvenient rerouting didn’t save us from a much greater catastrophe? And so, with time on my hands and nothing “better” to do, I contemplate what perhaps the Lord may want to teach me…and I praise Him for the time He has given me to do just that.
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.
James 4:13, 14
Last night I read myself to sleep, something I used to do much more often than I do now. It was nice. As I read, I thought of my wife and son enjoying time with family in Washington, anticipating joining them early this very morning. After finally getting to sleep, I found myself waking intermittently through the night, paranoid of missing my alarm and, thus, missing my flight. Neither happened, and I boarded my flight from Boise to Seattle at approximately 7:10 am. The flight was pleasant, though quite full, but people were in good spirits, and there really is nothing better than viewing Mt. Rainier from the air in the light of the early morning sun.
Just about the time I decided the flight seemed to be taking longer than it should, the captain announced over the P.A. system we would not be able to land in Seattle due to persistent fog, and would be re-routing to Spokane where they would do their best to service us to Seattle. So now, after about an hour’s wait in an extremely lethargic, though somewhat tense, ticket line, I sit at gate C30 waiting for my departure at 1:52, scheduled to land in Seattle at 2:58. My only grievance is the fact that my mother, wife and 3-month-old son had to leave the house this morning at 6:00 to pick me up at 8. I, however, was not there to meet them, nor was I able to inform them of the delay until after my scheduled landing time.
Many would choose irritation. Some may have reason to, at least from an existential standpoint. But my head echoes with the words of James, written to the Diaspora only a few years after Christ’s return to His Father. James’ letter opens boldly by saying, Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
I have the distinct notion there are a few (though not many) people sharing in this predicament that would look James in the face and say, How about you consider it joy and I’ll consider it a terrible nuisance that has thrown a tractor mechanic’s monkey wrench into my perfectly elaborate and fool-proof (not to mention absolutely of the utmost importance) plan! And I am sure that some of those people had other people depending on them for a business transaction or something of the sort…their irritation is understandable. But why don’t we take a quick look at the context of James’ insensitive and altogether uneducated statement?
As I mentioned earlier, this statement, or rather, this entire letter, is written to the Diaspora…the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad… Apparently they were facing “various trials”. Well, some would say, they weren’t facing my trials! They didn’t have the deadlines I have. They weren’t late for a crucial business meeting. They’re career didn’t hinge on this particular flight! They didn’t even have deadlines, let alone planes to make them late! Okay, maybe they weren’t facing the same trials. But what were they facing?
The Roman Emperor in the time of James was a man by the name of Nero. One of his favorite hobbies was the persecution of the early Christians. Some had their skin peeled off and salt poured on their raw flesh. Others were tarred and put up on stakes, then lit on fire to light Nero’s garden parties. Many were thrown to the lions in the Coliseum in Rome. Christians lived in mortal fear of their lives each and every day. And yet James said to them, Consider it all joy… The deadlines they faced were of permanent physical consequence. I don’t think they cared about delays in their daily lives. Each day to them was a precious gift, each morning a new opportunity to serve Christ! Oh to live with such perspective!
At a time such as this, where I could choose to be angry over circumstances which I really cannot control, I am challenged by the words of James to stop and take a closer look at those very circumstances. Though not when I had planned, in just a few short hours I will be with my wife and son in Seattle visiting my family. To be sure, were my schedule a bit more pressing, I may need to try a little harder to maintain a positive attitude, but all the same, why fret about something beyond my reach? Additionally, what is to say that this inconvenient rerouting didn’t save us from a much greater catastrophe? And so, with time on my hands and nothing “better” to do, I contemplate what perhaps the Lord may want to teach me…and I praise Him for the time He has given me to do just that.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
To run to my Saviour
In high school I ran track and cross country...yes, I am a glutton for punishment. I'll tell you, there are not many things in this world that compare to the feeling you have at the end of a 5k. You spent the better part of 3 miles pacing yourself just so, careful not to outdo yourself, but determined not to lag. You watch for landmarks that you made special note of on your warm-up, using each to press yourself forward to the next, and setting your pace to the relation of the landmarks on the course. At the two mile mark you think to yourself, Aight, this is the final leg. It's time to make a move. Careful now. One opponent at a time...don't go for speed, go for progress. So, one opponent at a time, you move closer and closer to the ultimate goal...the finish line. About 400 meters out, that goal comes into view...and at that point, as an autistic teammate named Troy used to so eloquently state, It's juice time!!! You kick it into high gear. 200 meters to go and your legs feel like jello. You aren't even sure whether or not your feet are hitting the ground. Your side is splitting. Your breath is coming in short, sometimes excruciating bursts. The sweat from your forehead is blurring your vision. Your arms are pumping so hard they're chafing. You have no idea how, but you manage to find more speed after already enduring 16 minutes of torture.
Before you know it, you're on the ground (or leaning on the wheezing runner in front of you) across the finish line. You feel like your about to empty your stomach. You still haven't regained the feeling in your legs, and you're really not sure why you haven't passed out yet. You could swear the world around you is actually spinning. People are giving you pats on the back, congratulations, encouragement...and you sort of wheeze out something that you think resembled a "thanks". It hasn't rained for 2 weeks, but your running singlet is as wet as though you just endured a torrential downpour. You know this is the closest thing to death you will ever feel during life.
And you love it. You thrive on it. That very feeling is what drives you to dig deeper. Because you know that if you don't feel that way at the end of a race, you didn't try hard enough. You think back in regret on just how much you know you had left to give...and now you will never have that same chance again. Sure, you may have another race, but the one you just finished is forever a memory, never to be repeated.
Life as a Christian is often much the same. How? It takes training. It is often painful. Never is it easy. There are landmarks along the way that we would be wise to heed. Often the progress is slow...sometimes it comes in bursts...but we should continually strive for progress. And then there's that sick feeling at the end of the race. Life is full of trials. To persevere is what grows us. In cross country, I learned to thrive on the pain. So why would I do anything differently in my walk with the Lord?
The reason I say all this is simple. There are things in my life that frustrate me. They annoy me. I find myself thinking at times, enough is enough, I'm sick of this. The proverbial weight of the world presses down on my shoulders until I'm afraid I'm going to break. But here's the thing. In cross country, I always knew there was an end to the suffering...and that if I didn't give it my absolute all, I would be disappointed and the entire race would be for naught. In life, the same holds true. Yes, I suffer. But I know there will be an end to that. It is promised time and again in Scripture. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. In Romans 5, Paul goes as far as to say, And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope...
I know there is an end...and I know what that end is...And every created thing which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all things in them, I heard saying, "To Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever." There will come a day when, for all eternity, I will worship the Lord, the God Almighty, my Saviour, Jesus Christ. And at that time I will suffer no more. I will have run the race and it will be forever a memory, never to be repeated. My hope and prayer is that I will run that race with endurance...that I will thrive on the pain...that I will let it serve to drive me deeper into the arms of Christ, because my strength has given out...my legs are weak and my sides are splitting...and I know that now...now, when I lack the ability to affect circumstances...now, God can take over...now He can do His work...now, in humility, my face is turned to the goal ahead of me...the face of my Father and my God.
Before you know it, you're on the ground (or leaning on the wheezing runner in front of you) across the finish line. You feel like your about to empty your stomach. You still haven't regained the feeling in your legs, and you're really not sure why you haven't passed out yet. You could swear the world around you is actually spinning. People are giving you pats on the back, congratulations, encouragement...and you sort of wheeze out something that you think resembled a "thanks". It hasn't rained for 2 weeks, but your running singlet is as wet as though you just endured a torrential downpour. You know this is the closest thing to death you will ever feel during life.
And you love it. You thrive on it. That very feeling is what drives you to dig deeper. Because you know that if you don't feel that way at the end of a race, you didn't try hard enough. You think back in regret on just how much you know you had left to give...and now you will never have that same chance again. Sure, you may have another race, but the one you just finished is forever a memory, never to be repeated.
Life as a Christian is often much the same. How? It takes training. It is often painful. Never is it easy. There are landmarks along the way that we would be wise to heed. Often the progress is slow...sometimes it comes in bursts...but we should continually strive for progress. And then there's that sick feeling at the end of the race. Life is full of trials. To persevere is what grows us. In cross country, I learned to thrive on the pain. So why would I do anything differently in my walk with the Lord?
The reason I say all this is simple. There are things in my life that frustrate me. They annoy me. I find myself thinking at times, enough is enough, I'm sick of this. The proverbial weight of the world presses down on my shoulders until I'm afraid I'm going to break. But here's the thing. In cross country, I always knew there was an end to the suffering...and that if I didn't give it my absolute all, I would be disappointed and the entire race would be for naught. In life, the same holds true. Yes, I suffer. But I know there will be an end to that. It is promised time and again in Scripture. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. In Romans 5, Paul goes as far as to say, And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope...
I know there is an end...and I know what that end is...And every created thing which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all things in them, I heard saying, "To Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever." There will come a day when, for all eternity, I will worship the Lord, the God Almighty, my Saviour, Jesus Christ. And at that time I will suffer no more. I will have run the race and it will be forever a memory, never to be repeated. My hope and prayer is that I will run that race with endurance...that I will thrive on the pain...that I will let it serve to drive me deeper into the arms of Christ, because my strength has given out...my legs are weak and my sides are splitting...and I know that now...now, when I lack the ability to affect circumstances...now, God can take over...now He can do His work...now, in humility, my face is turned to the goal ahead of me...the face of my Father and my God.
So here we are...
...in the blog world. Huh. Interesting step, I must say. I like to write. I like to share my thoughts. My hope is that other people will like to read them. Some of them may be old, some of them new, but all will give the reader an idea of how the wheels in my head turn. So here we are, and here we go.
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